Pros and Cons of Dating Lindsay Lohan

Pros


My fear of commitment won't be an issue.

Getting past those pesky velvet ropes in lieu of thinning hair

Rehab punch card good for 2 for 1

Possible background vocals gig on follow-up to smash hit Confessions of a Broken Heart

Family holidays


Cons


Having to witness career suicide up close.

I would most likely always have to drive.

Constantly having to hold her hair back as she pukes while reassuring her that her lack of talent didn't kill Robert Altman.

Always asking for sips of my vodka & soda and then downing the whole thing.

Dubious list mention on her wiki page somewhere between bartender in Ibiza, commissary worker from Sony lot, valet from the Ivy