Great Works of Literature Repackaged by a Hollywood Based Entertainment Firm

Feast World Tour: We Don't Do Dishes
Hemingway's Moveable Feast as Rock Opera you say. Why not? With music by Van Halen and audience members doing the washing and drying? Instant classic.
Panama?.. you're soaking in it.

Die Hard, Mockingbird
Harper Lee's novel gets the Jerry Bruckheimer treatment in the explosive new installment of the Bruce Willis series. A white, female golf commentator/terrorist code name Mockingbird is trying to blow racial relations back 50 years. Only Atticus McClane can stop her.

Shampoo Planet: Rinse, Repeat
A water-proof copy of Douglas Copeland's novel comes complete with samples from a new line of hair care products. Read up while your hair soaks in nutrient rich ingredients that will make your hair silky and shine.

Hey, Britney, Wake up, It's Margaret, Can I Drive?
Sex in the new millennium can be confusing. Even for a 12 year old girl. Margaret takes camera and crew out with a doped up Britney Spears to find the answers. Questions about bras, menstruation, giving blow jobs to paparazzi are all answered as they drive from gas station to gas station eating hot dogs. It's reality tv's version of the Seventies classic.

Atlas' Guide To Body Language
What does a shrug really mean? Is a colleague being defensive when they cross their arms? Is your lover lying when she manically blinks one eye after you show her the high school lunch card of some kid named Tim that you found under the bed? Ayn Rand's socio-ecomomic opus becomes a self help revolution.

The Complete Dunces Guide to Idiots
Ignatius J. Riley from Confederacy of Dunces is your guide through the strange world we live in. He breaks down the speeches of G.W. Bush and explains the success of the Simpson sisters and the tv show Big Brother. If you've ever wondered what kind of idiots write and read about other idiots in gossip mags, this book is for you.

Brothers Karamazov: I Steeped in Jazz
Dostoevesky comes to Broadway in a sassy little musical from the folks that brought you Xanadu. David Hyde-Pierce's Alexei takes you on a perky romp through the dysfunction of an tragic 19th Century Russian family. The 'Grand Inquisitor' dance number alone is worth the price of admission.

Reverse Cowgirl Cures the Blues
Hundreds of young girls step off buses in Los Angeles everyday. And they need stories to fuck to. Tom Robbins novel is transformed into a frisky little film about a teen that is keen to turn a losing football team's frown upside down. It's 'loads' of fun.
Next up.. Horace McCoy's book gets the porn treatment in They Cumshoot Horses, Don't They?

A Heartwarming Tale of Below Average SAT Scores
In what can only be described as the most difficult to understand title for the everyday Big Gulp drinking, high school drop out, Eggers novel is now a study guide to life in the trailer park. It no longer includes the words 'work' or 'genius' and has lots of pictures. Dumping the waste tank made easy to understand.

Siddhartha vs. The Prophet
Tired of seeing steroid induced sweat flying off the warped bodies of Neanderthals? The WWE is pitched the match of the century. Two of history's most mis-quoted, diaper wearing philosophers go at it head to head. Two humanitarians enter, one commercialized set of tenets leaves.